Tuesday, October 20, 2009

It's fasting day, and it's really rough.

So today is the 1-day juice fast portion of my liver detox program. I was actually kind of looking forward to this day for the sole reason that I wouldn't have to think about food for 24 hours. It's been tough trying to make sure I am eating all the right things, so drinking juice & water should seem like a welcome relief. Except for two problems...1) I'm hungry, and 2) the juice is disgusting.

The juice is made of 100% unsweetened cranberry juice diluted with water, with some freshly squeezed orange juice, lemon juice, and spices added. I also sweetened it with Stevia, which tastes like minty Robitussin. It didn't smell bad while I was cooking it up - it kind of reminded me of the mulled wine I made one time over the holidays. But this morning when I took my first sip, I almost gagged. If the juice wasn't bad enough on its own, I was instructed to stir 3 tbsp of milled flax seeds into my first cup. So basically it was like drinking a cup of sour mix with some dirt thrown in. The photo is of the actual juice - notice the chunks? Blech.

The flax/juice combo was so disgusting, I had to pour it down the drain after about 5 sips. But I still resolved to complete my 24-hour juice fast. After chugging a glass of water to get the taste out of my mouth, I filled a cup with ice and tried the cranberry concoction plain. It was still disgusting. I reasoned that maybe it would taste better when I was truly, truly hungry and willing to eat or drink anything just to get some calories. Well it's noon, I am officially starving, and the juice still tastes horrible. I think I've only had about 8 oz and I'm supposed to have 72 by day's end.

So this is the conversation I've been having with my liver over the last 5 hours:

Me: Why am I doing this to myself? I am a reasonably healthy person. It's not like I NEED to detox my liver...I'm just trying to be healthier. Surely, there are better ways.

Liver: Really? You can't last ONE freaking day? You're pathetic. You're a quitter.

Me: But I'm not a quitter. I lasted 7 days without bread, rice, crackers, chocolate, coffee or wine (OK, I cheated on the wine 2 or 3 times, but I only had 1/2 a glass!) I've roasted beets, and steamed artichokes, and eaten large carrots like a bunny. You can't call me a quitter.

Liver: First of all, it was at least 3/4 glass and I'm sure it was 3 or 4 times, not 2 or 3. Secondly, that was just the warm-up to the detox. This is game time! Yes, I've enjoyed the benefits of your healthier eating choices, but this is my time to really shine. I'm about to start flushing impurities out of your system. Do you really want to halt that?

Me: (Sigh) No, I don't. But this cranberry juice is so freaking gross!

Liver: Try watering it down a little more. Hang in there, please! I will thank you later.

Me: Fine, I'll try watering it down. I'll give it two more hours. If I'm still this grossed out, I am opening a bag of chips.


  1. I say fuck your liver. Go for the chips! :)

  2. Laughing my ass off!! you r too funny!

  3. The juicer we got for our wedding is my new favorite toy! Andy calls me a nerd (but he does seems to enjoy the fresh squeezed orange juice, so there!) I bought fresh cranberries... can you juice them? Is that what you did? Flax seed in a drink, though?? I can see how that'd be gross! What detox plan is this?

  4. Oh, I just read the older blog where you mentioned detox plan source. :)

  5. Talking to yourself... or your liver rather... just fantastic...